“It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
“Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind, I tell you. In fact, others seem to be bothering you, but it is not others, it is your own mind.”—Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Socrates believed the best way for people to live was to focus on the pursuit of virtue rather than the pursuit, for instance, of material wealth. He always invited others to try to concentrate more on friendships and a sense of true community, for Socrates felt this was the best way for people to grow together as a populace
a human soul is so complex and full it runs deep beyond measure. Its absolutely nuts, to have countless conscious beings running at capacity, gears grinding endlessly, hearts pumping tenaciously. We all possess the ability of critical thinking and intricate reasoning but yet we still feel so alone, so solitary at times, as if trapped in a cycle of humdrum, a rinse and repeat of the daily dos and donts. Why.
“One time in makeup as Mrs Doubtfire, I walked into a sex shop in San Francisco and tried to buy a double-headed dildo. Just because. Why not? And the guy was about to sell it to me until he realized it was me - Robin Williams - not an older Scottish woman coming in to look for a very large dildo and a jar of lube. He just laughed and said “what are you doing here” and I left. Did I make the purchase? No. Did I walk away with a really good story? Yes.”—Robin Williams
What is it that you value? They seem like two core principles that sit across each other on a beam balance, both acting as counterweight to the other. Everyone, at some point of their lives, have definitely asked themselves this age old philosophical question, especially when evaluating a person, which one matters more?
On one hand, I appreciate materialistic beauty, tangible things that are pleasing to the eyes. Like any normal, healthy hormone raging teenager, i have my fair share of lust and desires, the yearning of flesh and contact. I don’t dismiss my love for a voluptuous figure and aesthetics that i find physically attractive. Shallow as it implies, it is but a part of me and i will not bullshit myself and proclaim to be a virtuous white knight of the abstinence clan
On the other hand, I too appreciate a beautiful soul (stupid cliche). There are tons of definitions for that, but in this particular context, I’m referring to the personality of an individual. It is endlessly fascinating to mull over another person’s character. To know what they laugh, what they cry over. To know what they feel passionate for, their hopes and dreams. Having them open up and speak candidly about things that are close to their hearts
To pick at their brains, find out all of their wonderful idiosyncrasies and quirks. Discovering all this, slowly, through time, through commitment. This long and arduous process, isn’t this the part where people fall in love? At least, this is where my belief lies, that the inception of a profound love takes time to nurture, to nourish and develop
Love from the heart, not the loins, easier said than done but if you can be honest with yourself 100%, i honestly think you’ll be a happier person
“Everyone’s just looking for reasons to wake up and get out of bed, some do it for nothing but a kiss, perhaps a cup of coffee, others have a harder time; no train to catch, no hand to hold, no reasons at all.”—Unknown (via psych-facts)
I mean, give and take, everyone has put up their fair share of time pondering over their self worth. In the back of my head, I can’t help but wonder at the possibilities, what i can and will become. In that similar vein, I too can’t help but wonder that hey, i’ll most likely end up as an average joe with a pretty lackluster life.
Its just all rather depressing to me i suppose, to live a life with so much vicarious outlets. All these forms of entertainment, be it TV shows, movies, computer games or books, just watching, just immersing, just hiding behind the fourth wall. To just consume mindlessly, and you know what’s the worse part? Being content with it, just cool with it and accept it as it is and clocking that under ‘leisure time’.
I don’t just want to spectate life, to slurp off the spoon that’s pushed to me, i want to create. I want to make something, with my two hands, perhaps music, perhaps art, perhaps anything. I want to pen down things and be able to write a piece of incoherent shit but at least it’s my muse to call, my ‘literature’. I want to have meaning, cheesy as it is, i want to matter.